Epistle of John

Frustration

2008-05-02T10:38:00.003+08:00

Alot of things had been happening in my life which I chose to keep to myself.

So much so that it is starting to burst out of my being. I understand that everyone has their own set of problems so everytime, I would try all means to avoid setting my own set of problems on others. However, many many times people misunderstand my intentions..

The feeling of being misunderstood is really yucky.. especially when no one in your family or friends or even church members understand but misunderstand your intentions or actions.

Maybe I have a problem expressing myself? I always push this blame to myself.. but the more I do that, the worse I felt..

Been trying to put up a cheerful front as much as I can.. but everytime I did that, my heart just skrinch in pain.

This is not one of the cheerful, happy go lucky kind of blog which I often write. Usually I don't write about my problems.. but this time round, I just want to vent out my frustration.

I may be quiet about things doesn't mean it's ok. So don't just push all the blame to me. Sometimes I have to end up pacifying people who tried to show concern to me when I don't look too well. It's just too tiring.. I already felt bad and still I have to counsel others not to be upset over what I'm upset about??!

I need a change.. a good change. With this keep going on, I will collapse anytime soon. Need a breakthrough from God.. really need it!

Is there anyone who cares other than God? Just felt sad that I can't share most of the burdens in my heart with the people around me.. though most of my friends are really concerned. Sometimes, sharing and listening is not enough. I need solid solutions.. too much talking and no action is just plain complaining.

Tired and sick of complaining and hear people complain. And now, even myself is complaining.. hahaha.. an irony. :)

Is there no place for me to rest where no one is always out there to condemn and seek for your weakness so they can launch their accuses to you? Where there is no backstabbing or scheming against you? No murmuring, rejections, gossiping and even snatching away things that you cherish and love in life?

I need a rest from all these.. sometimes with friends who does these things to you, who needs enemies? It really grieves my heart to see all these happening. This reminds me of Job and David.. and Abraham who had to wait for God's deliverance for many many years.

Maybe I'm impatient, but I'm still human. I can't just treat as though nothing had happened. I also need encouragement and comforting.. I believe you too need that.

Who believes in me? Who praises me? Especially when people around me are always complaining that I don't believe in them or praises them even for the little little things? I did.. but who did it to me?

It's a selfish world where every man is for himself.. Like someone told me before: "John.. no one will give you any chance in life.. you have to fight for it!". Believe me.. I've been fighting all my life..

Opportunities don't always knock twice.. sometimes it knock once.. but most of the time, it don't even comes at all.

I hate birthday celebrations.. just hate it and will feel really bad during that period of time every year.. Am always reminded of my past on the seeds that went dead and bore no harvest. I sowed in lives, but what I got is so insignificant that it is almost non-existent..

I'm amazed at how Jesus loved the world even at the face of all these ugliness of the world.. That's why I love Jesus.. He's the best! :)

Love You Lord.. :D

04th March 2008

2008-03-04T16:31:00.003+08:00

Last weekend F.I.R. came to our church service to perform. It was an awesome experience especially knowing that Fayer (donno how to spell :P) always pray before every performance! It's very encouraging to see them shining for the Lord out there in the mission field! :D They have a new song.. quite "china" type one.. but donno it's name. I liked it very much.. especially the groove and "feel". Simply shiok! :D

Recently moved to my new house.. and finally got my own room! (long awaited room... muahahaha!) Now my room is basically a mini entertainment room! All the things I like is all cramped up in my own little space. So comfy! hehehe :D Nowadays I'll be watching television in my room in my own comfort.. Maybe many will think what's the big deal.. but to me, I've always wanted to have my own space and create my own comfy area for DE-STRESS! haha.. Last time had to share room with my little brother and he always stop me from deco this and that.. so no freedom. haha.. now I can play com, watch tv, listen to radio, chat with friends, play guitar... etc etc.. all the the same time! Sounds like a man deprived of freedom and entertainment hor? hehe..

Now my new hobby is driving! It's a brand new experience.. but really EXPENSIVE!!! But while driving (when I'm alone), I can pray, sing all I want.. without having to limit myself by others' opinion. hehe.. :D That day I was driving along the hill route which I used to have prayer walk. I just felt that I'm a blessed man.. God had blessed me and now I could prayer drive instead! :)

hehe.. seems like my blogging is like broken pieces.. here a bit there a bit kind.. Well, I'm just typing as and when a thought came into my mind. :D Got to learn from the experts in this area... right?! hehehe :D

Updates

2008-02-22T09:42:00.002+08:00

Happy new year!!

It's a brand new year and gosh... it's almost a year ago since I last wrote in my blog! Nearly forgot I had a blog until Wendy keep pestering me to update it. Haha.. :D

Well, alot of things had happened.. (again.. coz the world is indeed changing REAL fast. Especially when it's almost a year!).

First of all, I got a new guitar (the yamaha guitar is now considered "old" already.. hahaha :D). It's a Simon & Patrick guit with a nice pick-up & EQ at the side! When you play on it.. MAN.. it really draws heaven down! hehhe :)Been playing for JAMS church for quite a while now. Recently I've been asked to play for their prayer meeting and even had the privilege of being the MD (music director)for a few occassions! It's a mind blowing occassion where you need to be sensitive to the flow (although all musicians need to be) and lead the rest of the musicians. Still learning from the rest though and indeed, it's a never ending learning experience!

Like what Bro Poh had shared with us, we need to be a moving target where we always seek to improve and challenge our own self all the time! The greatest enemy and obstacle to success is not always the people around you but it's you yourself! Many people like to play the 'blame' game when things don't go the way they want it to be. I had a revelation that day.. I was complaining within myself about how good it will be if only my company could operate in certain way and my staff would react according to what I've expected etc.. the more I thought of it, the more frustrated I became.. then suddenly, I felt prompted to turn the arrow around and point at myself! I started to think how I can do better so that others are blessed by it, asking myself whether am I a good manager to my staff, did I plan and execute the tasks on hand efficiently.. Now, the more I thought of this, the more peace and happy I became! At the end of it, I started praising God and prayed for more strength and wisdom to be a better contributor to my company and society! Imagine how much impact that is just by changing the way we think!

The bible always talks about "renewing our mind". Alot of things in life can be conquered just by renewing and changing the way we look at things or circumstances in life. Some people even thought of losing their memory to become happy or at peace when circumstances in life becomes a burden too heavy for them to carry. Well, not all people can lose their memory as and when they want to... but pastor always said that God always uses what we've experience to turn it around for good! :)

So much to talk about on this.. almost could preach le.. hahaha :)

Oh ya.. I also got my license in Nov 2007. Now I've been driving quite a while already. hehe.. I bought a Hyundai Avante the day after I passed my license! So exciting! I remember the day I went to test drive at different show rooms. The sales person who sat beside me in the car was so nervous! hahaha :D When I passed them my temporary license (coz I just passed), I can almost see their face turn white! hehehe.. so funny! :D

Then after I placed the order, I purposely kept it a secret from all my closer friends.. (wah.. very sin ku to tahan when I'm so excited!!). I've to act normal when I'm bursting with excitement on the inside of me.. till that very day I collected my car! I remember I was having in-camp training when my agent sms me that my car is ready for collection. Coz I've been smsing him when I can collect.. and almost became a reminder notice for him.. :P Then immediately that day when we had nights off, I rushed a cab down to the show room and drove it home myself (not knowing the road home... muahahaha). However, by God's grace, amazingly I just reached home just by following the traffic flow.. hehe :) My agent did tell me the directions but being a visual person, I don't understand what is he talking about.. :p hehe.. He asked me whether I understand and being very excited to drive my new car, I said "yeah yeah yeah... obviously not really listening to him :P. End up, I depended on my instincts and God to direct me instead.. hahahaha :D

Now working as sales and management in company now. It's a new field and lots to learn. But real exciting! :D

Stay tuned for next episode.. who knows when? hahaha :D

Music Ministry

2007-08-19T16:09:00.000+08:00

Many things had happened within these period since I uploaded my last entry..

I was spotted and selected for guitar ministry, where I had been teaching guitar to many members in the church and at the same time, God began to open doors for me to teach even the people outside the four walls of the church! God is good! :D

I was also exposed to various types of music, techniques as well as various kinds of environment and experiences. For example: I was asked to play for a band in a cafe, played for weddings, funerals, bible studies... and even tried in the preliminary round for the talentime! Also wrote a few songs which I didn't have the courage to send in for arrangements etc etc....

Recently, I had the privilege to learn from bro poh and at the same time, doors began to open even more as I am given the opportunity to play for leadership class, church service for Shalom Harvest Church and now... for JAMS service!

Felt that this is indeed the call of God for my life as this had been my sole passion and God-given vision even before I stepped in the doors of CHC.

God had been good.. Like what pastor always preaches, God had given us a purpose and to help us fulfill that purpose, He will surely have to deposit passion, talents in us so that we are equipped to fulfill His calling! God had spoken to me so many times on this calling but I was distracted on other pressing matters. Those are good things that must happen to mould our character.. And now, here I am.. Back on track for what I'm supposed to do.

Am staying tuned for the next step ahead! Maybe... play for movies? MTV? World concert, employed as a pub singer?, a professional song writer? a professional music teacher with my own music school? ... there's so many possibilities! Indeed.. Singapore is a nation of possibilities! :D

Crying out!!!

2005-07-21T22:39:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i last wrote.. Been a hectic month but it's also a month where there's a breakthrough in the spiritual atmosphere in my life! The prayer meetings really boost up my spirit man and my walk with God is much more closer than it used to be! :D

Felt God's calling in teaching and while the vision is yet to be fulfilled, I'm literally like walking in the wilderness. A wilderness that has to be overcomed inorder to reach the promise land. Like the story goes, while i'm about to reach the promise land, I've heard countless bad reports about the teaching career. So much so that I do feel discouraged at times.. Everything seems to be like hanging in mid air right now as I'm not able to apply for NIE coz my Uni last year results are not out yet. While waiting for the results, I just heard my friend say that my degree might not be recognised at all and there's a possibility that I might be regarded as having A levels only!

At a dilemma now.. on one side, I want to fulfill God's call in my life. On the other hand, my family is heavy in financial debts and is in desperate need for financial breakthrough! Everyday I would be hearing my parents complaining when I will start work coz they really cannot handle the burden already.. Feel really heavy as it's gonna be a big financial burden to carry even before i start earning money.. in debts even before income?

Really need God to show me a clear way.. a way out of this pit of poverty! This pit had been putting me down for so many years and it's really hindering me from reaching out to my destiny! No wonder pastor always emphasise on financial freedom! So dear readers, do keep me in prayer ya? Really need God's supernatural provision to breakthrough!!

Chalet of the year!~ :)

2005-06-28T13:33:00.000+08:00

Chalet 2005!! :) (My friends)

After a long period of studying and working, we finally had a chance to chill out in a chalet! Lots of friends came and we had a great time kayaking, playing games at the beach, drama nite and most of all BBQ!!!

It's been a long time since i had my last bbq.. enjoyed every moment of it as we prepared the food and serving it to the people. The food simply fills not only our stomach but also our hearts as we talked and fellowship over the chicken wings and satay!~ yum yum~ :P

We hardly slept during the stay as we kept awake till early in the morning and then catch a short nap before starting a new day!~ Tiring but it's exciting and fun!~ Really enjoyed the company of my friends. Starting to miss the times already after we checked out from the chalet. Think we should book a few chalets side by side so as to make it even more happening!! haha :)

Fellowship finally! :)

2005-06-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

After so many weeks of being deprived of quality fellowship with my own cg members, today's the day I had so much fun with them! :) Today they all decided to come to my house to play and fellowship. Cheryl, Xiangyou, Grace, Yew Keong and Yew Teck were here and suddenly the house was full of ppl! :)

Yew Teck and Yew Keong were having so much fun with the XBox while the rest were playing with my PC, reading comics and watching TV.. :) After a good time of fun together, we all went to a coffee near bukit gombak to have roti prata! :) Cheryl was sick so she couldn't eat that much. Too bad she missed the good food! Yew Teck and samantha were comparing the prata with those from prata house...saying that i should try those coz they're 5 stars! haha.. the session was a bit like delicacies assessments as yew teck tried the pratas one by one. Haha.. :)

We were discussing also that we should organize an outing to johor for pizza! Coz it's really cheap there! :)

A very happy and fruitful day today! :)

Open doors!!

2005-06-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

The Golden Lamp stand (Lantern festival version)

Been quite a tiring week for me so far.. This week, for the first time, i was asked to play for bible study class (CIC) at bible house!! So excited! :) I kept practicing all the songs and for the first time, i could memorize all the chords for both the songs! Amazing coz never done that before! :) When the actual thing approaches, i actually lost my way and ended at bayview hotel instead.. then i start to panick and called my friend for direction and he also tell me not sure. Finally, i called mingyao. Then he told me the rough guide confidently and halfway through, he said he'll call me back coz he need to think how to tell me!! Helpless, i put down the phone and continued walking the direction by faith from where the conversation stopped. And THANK GOD!! The place is just straight ahead!:D

I was left with only a little time left for sound check and everything and when i got there, the song leader was yet to be seen. So I quickly got everything set and thank God i made it in time! :) When the song leader arrived, he asked me one very surprising question... "what songs are we singing today?". I was stunned... my mind suddenly went blank as i struggled to find all the lyrics from my memory bank. He was also very surprised that i am playing for BS for the first time.. :P Played a few chords and couldn't flow really well but however, i was relieved when he prayed and said that the presence of God was in the place. Whiew.. that was a close one.

Like the bible says, what really matters is not about our skills or the performance... what matters is God. I was there to serve as a servant of God, as an usher for His presence to come into the room to fill us and to stay with us throughout the session. Though skills are required for performance but the ultimate focus is that it is a session unto Him! We must always decrease while He must always increase and glorified!

Though I must admit I was too nervous for this session but it was a breakthrough as well as a great experience for me! :)

There's alot of open doors opening in my life right now at this moment.. for example, i received smses asking whether i can play for funeral services, CGs and even more amazing, DIALECT MINISTRY!! :) Really praying right now for wisdom to guide me into the right path.. though good ideas are wonderful, it's God's ideas that will see us through! :)

As for the current focus in my life, my next step is to become a good teacher who can educate as well as impact the next generation! I believe that this is what God has called me to do (going into the market place) in my life.

Overall, a tiring week but a very fruitful one!! :D

My Cell group

2005-06-21T20:33:00.000+08:00

N255!!!

This is my cell group. These are also the ppl who went through thick and thin with.. Wonderful bunch of ppl in my life! Thanks guys!! :)

Pulau Ubin Trip

2005-06-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

Pulau Ubin gang

Had a great time cycling at Pulau Ubin with Samuel, Nickson, Michael, Jingyi and Serena. Seems to me that these are really the fittest among the friends i have. They can actually cycle all day round without much complain of giving up!
After a great workout and a sumptous meal at one of the restaurants on the island, we head back home with sun burns and mosquito bites all over. However, all is worth is as it was a great time where we got togther and have fun after months of exams and preparations.
Nickson came up with a mini MTV on the trip.. It was great!! Gonna be a memorable experience in years to come!~ :)

Exams over!!

2005-06-02T01:04:00.000+08:00

At last, the exams are over... still having the after effects of exams. Still having the feeling that i'm still having exams. :p

Well, i really pray that all my papers scores while i shift my focus back on track in pursuing my life purpose and vision. Now, another focus comes along which is to prepare myself for the working world! Seems like it's gonna be a big challenge as working had always been something temporal for me all these while as i worked part-time during my breaks and holidays. Well, it's now gonna be a life committment which i have to make wise choices on.

Been thinking on taking a career path in teaching.. Seems like a job for me as i explore the things that a teacher does. Working would be much more meaning just by seeing the lives of students changed as i prepare these future leaders for the world ahead. Really must pray about it as well as open doors to the right path! There's alot of opportunities but not all may work out for my life. Like the saying goes: "It may be a good idea, but unless it is a God idea, things might not work out".

Meanwhile, all i can do is to trust Him as i explore while He leads me through.. :)

Life's purpose

2005-05-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. ~ Psalm 144:4

Sometimes, I would just look up into the night or evening skies to see the magnificence of the earth. I would then imagine how is it like to see earth from outer space and eventually came to realise how small we are in this world and also how BIG God is. The incredible size of the ocean compared to one small cup of coffee is what our life is like compared to eternity. Why then do we invest so much in temporal pursuits when we know that our investment here can have so much impact on our eternity? It is the great paradox of human behavior, especially for Christians.

Does your business life have an overall ministry objective to it? This does not mean we must be constantly involved in "Christian activity." It only means that we should be about what God has called us to do with the motive of being obedient to this mission. Do not let the worries and cares of this life keep you from having an eternal impact on the lives of those you meet each day. Satan has a way of keeping our focus on the problems of today rather than the spiritual opportunities before us. He is master of the urgent, not the important.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

An interesting research on flying geese

2005-05-18T15:26:00.000+08:00

Also in Judah the hand of God was on the people to give them unity of mind to carry out what the king and his officials had ordered, following the word of the Lord. ~ 2 Chronicles 30:12

A major corporation conducted a study on the flight of geese. In their study they found that geese fly in a "V" formation with one goose in the lead. After a period of time, this goose relinquishes the lead to another goose. During flight they noticed head movements of the leader that seem to give signals to the other geese flying, perhaps to let the others know how he was doing. They estimate that the formation flight pattern reduces wind drag due to the lift the other birds receive and believe it increases their performance by up to 70 percent. Whenever one goose drops out, another goes with it. These two geese do not catch up to the original pack, but join another group later.

Independence is one of the strongholds of the workplace. The entire system feeds the desire within us to gain recognition from our individual achievements. We wrongly believe financial independence frees us from needing to depend on anyone else. The fact is dependence on others is a good thing. It can bring us into a unity of spirit that accomplishes much more with less effort while meeting needs for each of us. Christ talked a lot about unity among brothers and sisters. He said that others would know we are Christians by our love for one another and by our unity. We need to depend on others so that we don't go it alone. By walking together we increase our strength. By going it alone we must carry a load we were never intended to carry. God did not create us to go it alone. By joining together we accomplish more for Jesus Christ. Ask the Lord today if there is an independent spirit within you that prevents you from joining others in the mission He has called you to.

Entitled?

2005-05-18T15:22:00.000+08:00

And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! ~ Philippians 2:8

Society today has duped many of us into believing that the world owes us. It owes us a good living, a loving spouse, good health throughout our whole life, sexual pleasure when we want it, and paid vacations the rest of our lives. The world has told us if we work hard and do right, we are entitled to these things. This is the Esau perspective on life. For a mere meal, he sold his own birthright for a simple pleasure to which he felt entitled.

Society, and even the Church, is more pleasure-focused than ever before. George Barna, the Christian researcher, cites,

We are not a society that simply enjoys its time off. Our leisure appetites drive us. It is increasingly common to hear people turning down job offers because the hours or other responsibilities would interfere with their hobbies, fitness regimens and other free time activities. Even our spending habits show that playing has become a major priority. The average household spends more money on entertainment than it does clothing, health care, furniture or gasoline. Recreational activities have jumped more than 10 percent in the amount of time given to them. [George Barna, Frog In The Kettle (Ventura, California: Regal Books, 1990), 82.]

What are the motives for our work life? Is it only to gain increased pleasure and leisure time? Jesus said He came only to do the work of the Father. I am sure that Jesus had times of refreshment in His life that allowed Him to get recharged for the mission God called Him to. However, He understood the balance of maintaining mission and play. When we view life with an attitude of entitlements, we are susceptible to becoming disappointed, resentful, and even bitter when our expectations go unmet. Ask the Lord if you need to relinquish any rights that may be hindering your freedom to experience His love and grace.

2-way relationship

2005-05-18T15:19:00.000+08:00

He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. ~ Isaiah 50:4b

The prophet Isaiah describes his relationship to God as a relationship that has two-way communication. Have you ever felt that your communication with God was only one way - you to Him only? Isaiah tells us, "The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.... The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back" (Is. 50:4-5).

The key to Isaiah's relationship with God lies in four important principles:
1. He had an instructed tongue. Isaiah had given over rule of his life completely to God's purposes.
2. He knew the word of the Lord, which allowed him to sustain and encourage others.
3. He took time to listen.
4. He did not flee from the tough assignments. He didn't shrink back.

If we are to be able to listen to God, we must follow the same principles. Knowing and spending time studying God's Word allows the Holy Spirit to bring to mind His instructions for what He wants for us. Recently, I became very busy in my exams and other activities. It wasn't long before I felt distance between God and me. I had to make a conscious decision to carve out more time alone to listen, study, and meditate on His Word. This is the lifeline for the follower of Jesus.

When we begin to lose the relationship, we are susceptible to becoming rebellious, going our own way. Invest your life in this relationship so that you may continue to hear His voice and sustain the weary ones around you.

Encounter with God

2005-05-18T15:16:00.000+08:00

So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision, I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. ~ Daniel 10:8

Daniel received a vision that troubled him greatly. He wanted understanding of this vision. He set himself out to understand the vision by fasting for three weeks. Three days after his three weeks of fasting, a messenger of God appeared to Daniel. The messenger explained that Heaven had heard his prayer from the first day, but the angel was temporarily prevented from coming by the prince of Persia, a demon angel, who sought to thwart God's messenger from coming to Daniel.

There are times in our lives when we must set ourselves to seeking God with all our hearts. It is in these times that we hear from Heaven in ways we may never have experienced before. Daniel's perseverance in prayer was rewarded with a personal encounter with Heaven. However, in order to receive from God, Daniel had to be left alone, have his strength removed, and be placed in a helpless condition. When we have no ability in our own strength to move Heaven or the events around us, we are in position to hear from Heaven. It is the acknowledgment of our humanity and our frailness that places us in a position to have a personal encounter with the living God.

Do you need a personal encounter with God today? Do you need God to intervene on your behalf? Seek Him with all your heart. Demonstrate to Him you are serious. Get alone and acknowledge your helpless condition before Him. He will reward you with His presence.

An unexpected surprise! :)

2005-04-29T01:35:00.000+08:00

on the 28th of April, i finished lessons around 4 plus.. went to seat etc and then started to pick up my books and study. Then out of the blue, Michael came in and asked Nickson and me to go drink tea. Felt lazy so i asked Nickson to help me get a cup for me. But Michael insisted on we going together. Didn't thought much though.. and agreed at his persistent requests.

As i stepped out of the study room, i was caught by surprise when i saw Mingyao's face at the corner and my cg and marlin started to sing birthday song for me! I was so took by surprise that i leaped! :p

Was so happy today coz i realise that i have friends like these that would bother to come all the way down to school to celebrate for me! Though it was a simple celebration but it was a heart felt thing to me... Was so touched today as i saw what they did for me... Receieved a love blessing from Marlin and Mingyao.. Felt that i'm so blessed to have friends like them.

Today other than this happy occasion, Nickson also had one too! He actually made an advance to the girl of his dreams (finally after so many years of secret loving) :)
Was happy for him when i heard that the girl was quite receptive to befriend him! She's quite a nice girl so really pray that things will work out eventually for them! :)

In all, today was the happiest birthday celebration i ever had for the last 3 years! Thanks guys! :) Love you all! :)

Trusting Him

2005-04-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

"Have you feared Jesus because of what He might require of you? Have you feared that He might ask of you something you are not prepared to give? Do not let your fears drive Him from your presence. His motive is always love for His children. You can trust Him."

Read the above quote on email today...
Felt that it made alot of sense. There were times where I took hold of things that were so dear to my heart that i wouldn't let go when He asks me to.
The result was chaotic. Learnt it the hard way. But through it all, i began to realise and experience the goodness of God as He revealed Himself so real in my life. Things that were so impossible were made possible (which clearly show that it is only God who can perform such miracles!).

Trust is the word to use. Not in our mind but in our heart. It must be applied in our heart for it to work. Sometimes, we just say it but in our heart, we reject it. Why? Fear is the most common explanation. Like the old saying goes, we can't believe it when we can't see it.

But it's through such valley experiences that we learn that it's perfectly safe to trust God in all areas in our lives. Was kinda surprised to see how much i can experience and receive when i LET GO AND LET GOD.

Like i always hear from ppl: "To love means to let go sometimes". Sometimes, when we love something too dearly in our lives, we tend to hold on to it so tightly. When we do that, God could not bless it coz we wouldn't let Him.

In short, trust is something we must practice in life. It may be hard sometimes but it's the person whom it all matters. In this case, it is God. :)

I PASSED!!

2005-04-26T21:51:00.000+08:00

Went for IPPT for the second time today.. Went all the way to Toa Payoh Safra Club for the test. Was surprised and quite impressed with the facilities there as they have sauna, jacuzzi, nice bathrooms, hair-dryer, ironing equipments and more! It's like heaven to me coz i can access everything i see there coz i'm a member (at first i thought my membership expired already)! :)

Pushed real hard during the last station (2.4km run). We were each assigned a tread mill on which we all run at an average speed of 12m/second. At first, i was ok.. but towards the last few laps, my flesh started to shout at me saying STOP!!! Wanted really bad to give up but another part of me told me that i can't give up coz i have limited time and i don't wanna end up going for RT (which means more time taken!!).
Finally, after a long battle, i started to reduce the speed on my machine and was eventually spotted by my test instructor. He told me that with the speed i was on (11.5m/s), i will not be able to pass. Then he suggested to run faster than 12m/s and started to adjust for me (I nearly freaked out!!). Couldn't catch my breath and i waved my hand to him saying "NO!!". He then adjusted it back to 12m/s upon seeing my almost dying look.

He tried to explain to me again that if i continue at 11.5m/s, i won't pass.. (meanwhile, my mind was telling me that he is trying to smoke me coz i thought he wanted to push me harder). Eventually, he gave up. But before he went, he said this in a understanding tone: "Ok. Nvm, you will miss just a bit, come again another day try again lor". Upon hearing this, I felt stirred (coz i don't wanna come back again!), i then gathered whatever energy i had to adjust the speed up to 11.8 hoping i can still make it. At this time, he caught me doing that and he told me to bear with him while he adjusted the speed for me. Meanwhile, he asked me: "This is the last 100m, can you sprint?!". I didn't answer him though i wanted to (coz out of breath), but i kept staring at the speed adjusting device. Thank God he caught it and he kept increasing it for me. Donno what speed he gave me but i ran all i can! Eventually, when he told me i've finished 2.4, i immediately pressed the stop button and got out.

Really thank God for this instructor.. if not for him, i would not have made it even though it was supposed to be much easier than running on the track! :)

It was the after effect that i cannot stand... my body was at the verge of breaking down and i took a long while to catch it.. while i was sitting in the bathing area, an uncle asked me "Shiong ah? Pass or fail?". And i weakly replied: "Pass". Then he replied me "PASS AH? Ho ah Ho ah (in hokkien)". Was encouraged by his words but couldn't thank or smile at him though due to my strengthless state.

It's an exciting day for me on the whole coz i've PASSED!! hehe :)

Understanding who we are in the spiritual realm

2005-04-25T02:05:00.000+08:00

Today we had guitar ministry after guitar ministry. Bro James was sharing about the heart of the ministry during the prayer meeting and how the burden of the ministry and growth was upon the leadership within the ministry. He was sharing about knowing who we are in the spiritual realm when we're teaching the students. He was sharing with us that it is one thing about being a teacher in the natural realm but in the spiritual realm, there is an anointing that was given by God over our lives as guitar teachers.

Understanding this principle really blew my mind as i began to understand that this anointing makes us different from teachers in the world. This anointing makes our words (eventhough they are simple words) to be so much more powerful and effective than teaching basing on our head knowledge and flesh. The latter is being carnal minded. Prayer then becomes a very important thing in our lives! For example going into a class with a low spirit, there's so little to give to the students and eventually end up having a class that is not so effective compared to that which is taught by a teacher whose spirit is up and high!

Jesus was saying in Luke 16:12 " And if you have not been faithful in what is another man's, who will give you what is your own". Bro James was also sharing about how guitar ministry came about which started with just a spark of initiative that is submitted to God's call. Alot of thoughts came to my mind as he shared and i began to see so many areas in my life that i need to be more faithful in..

We ended with a great time of worship and prayer and the presence of God ministered to everyone in the room. It was a great time spent in the room. Thank God i stayed through. What was received was so valuable and it became a boost in my spirit man and my very life! Looking forward to sow into the next harvest with this new vision and mindset! :)

Morning John

2005-04-22T10:58:00.001+08:00

Today marks the first day of my actual revision schedule. Excited yet expectant about the way ahead. I will make it no matter what lies ahead! :)

Loves music and singing... too bad missed the opportunity to sing in the live recording in church... been longing for that since the last recording 4 years ago (that time is because parents don't allow late nights..). Now, is because of my revision classes! Argh!! Think have to wait for the next one then! Must go! (Coz wanna experience how is it like in recording and also to include my voice in the album! haha :) So exciting! :) )

Missed the KTV days also.. Wanna catch up on my vocal training and guitar skills also. So many things to do yet so little time to fulfill everyone of them! Really desire to serve God in much more things. Wanna see myself grow in the Lord more than ever to gloriify Him by shining ever brighter to bear a testimony that will encourage others to follow. Also desire to see my friends Gene, Shuyi, Nickson and Kelvin to come to the Lord. Been praying for them for salvation.. it may be hard but it's worth it as long as i am able to see them saved and enjoy their salvation in heaven! That'll be exciting man! :) It'll be heart-breaking to see all the friends whom i love suffering in the depths of hell... (Won't want that to happen to anyone of them) Really pray that the day of salvation is near for everyone of them!

Right now listening to David Tao's "Ordinary friend". His nice vocals never fails to impress me everytime.. Aspire to sing like him one day! Train hard! hehe :)

Trusting God

2005-04-22T10:58:00.000+08:00

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. ~ Psalm 37:6

As a believer grows in trusting obedience and love, God often brings a test that seems uncharacteristically cruel. The test: being wrongfully judged by those close to you. It is not for the reactionary. It cannot be passed over by simply gutting it out. Supernatural grace is the only means of passing this one. It is one of those tests the Savior had to experience Himself when being tried by the court of public opinion, the religious community, and the government of His day. His response to the government was silence. His response to the religious establishment was silence at the final judgment. To the rest of His accusers He remained quiet and left vindication to the Father. He lived the commandment He gave to the disciples:

"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked" (Luke 6:35).

How do you react when you are accused or mistreated for no reason? Do you listen quietly, or do you justify each and every action? Most of us take pride in doing what is right and expect the same from others, especially our brothers and sisters in the faith. Jesus knew that if you were to be a true follower of His, you would enter this test eventually. It is part of the program. The workplace gives ample opportunity to be wronged, misunderstood, and maligned. When God brings a measured assault against one of His children, it is to find out if he truly believes in the cross. The cross is where each of us is given the opportunity to die to our pride, our reputations, and our ego. When He allows a measured assault upon us, it is to find out if the cross is sufficient. He wants to see if we will seek to rescue ourselves. Jesus said if we die with Him, we will be raised with Him. When God allows satan to bring the measured assault, ask God for the grace to cling to the cross. Let the pride and arrogance that Jesus wants to remove from our lives be crucified.

Thank God for the opportunity to be crucified with Christ. Then your righteousness will shine like the noonday sun and the justice of your cause will be in His hands.

4 questions to asked myself when I do something

2005-04-22T10:54:00.000+08:00

So this is what the Sovereign Lord says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed." ~ Isaiah 28:16

Whenever God calls us into a consecrated life, it is made up of four distinct stages. Christ often compared this process to building a house. First, we must prepare to build by laying a foundation. That foundation is none other than Jesus Christ Himself. Any foundation other than Christ will not stand.

Second, as we enter a walk of faith with God, He allows each of us to experience trials, testings, miracles, and challenges in life that are designed to provide "faith experiences" that demonstrate tangible evidences of His work in our life: Moses' burning-bush experience, Peter's walk on the water, Joshua's parting of the Jordan River. These experiences built the faith of these people. The depth and width of our calling is directly proportional to the faith experiences He allows in each of our lives. If God plans an international ministry with you, chances are you will experience a higher degree of faith experiences compared to another. The reason being, you will need to look on these to ensure your calling and provide testimony to His work in your life.

The third stage deals with motives. "All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord" (Prov. 16:2). What is the motive behind my actions? Is it only financial accumulation? Is it to gain control? Is it to create independence? The primary motive must be God's leading you to take such an action - it must be obedience. These other factors must be by-products of the decision.

Finally, we are prepared to take action. Here we must ask, "Do we have the skill, quality, and ability to enter into this activity?" So often we have not trained ourselves adequately to be successful in our endeavor. You would never want someone working on your teeth who had not been trained and certified as a dentist.

Before you begin your next project, ask yourself these four questions. What is the foundation this project is based on? What experiences has God demonstrated in my life that indicate His involvement? What is my motive for entering this activity? Do I have the skill, quality, and ability to accomplish the task? Answering these questions will tell you whether God will bless your activity.

Our Purpose in life

2005-04-22T10:50:00.000+08:00

I have brought You glory on earth by completing the work You gave Me to do. ~ John 17:4

The Lord has revealed to us that the number one thing we are to do is love the Lord our God with all our heart and to love our neighbor as ourselves. His desire is for us to know Him and the power of His resurrection. These mandates deal with our relationship with Him. The fruit of this relationship must then result in our glorifying Him by completing the work He has given each of us to do. It will become a by-product of this relationship, not an end in itself.

What is the work God has called you to do? Jesus never did anything the Father had not instructed Him to do. He lived in such communion with the Father that He knew when to turn left and when to turn to the right. Is it possible to have such a relationship with our heavenly Father? I think that if it weren't, He would not have given us such an example.

"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" (Jer. 33:3). What has He called you to do? Perhaps you are called to be the best CPA in your city or the best advertising executive or the best office worker or assembly line person in your company. Whatever work He has called you to do, He will use you as His instrument to accomplish something that He has uniquely prepared you to do.

When our life is complete, what a glorious day it will be if we can each say, "I have completed the work You gave me to do." This will have brought great glory to Him.

Load off my back

2005-04-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

Was printing out my project documents today and happened to remember the issue about the address of sending my project to. I took out my handphone and started to sms a few of my friends. And then, when they replied, not only did i get response but also solutions! One of my friends Jiahui, offered to send the project to London together! They were sharing the post to London in a group and happened that i sms him at the right time coz they were about to send it on the day itself! Thank God for that!

Not only did i saved money and effort, i also got some help in my printing of my projects coz i heard from them that i can print my projects in school on that day! (i thought the computer lab was closed initially!) Got some help from the rest of the classmates there to refine my project. (if not, i would have been penalised and marks deducted for that!)

Everything happened in a split second and now a big load is now off my back. Time to focus on my exams!! :)

Divine appointment

2005-04-13T00:33:00.000+08:00

Went to Friday service that day instead of joining my cg for sunday service due to lessons on sat and sunday 9am to 5pm. Pastor Art was preaching that night about "Dealing with failure". Was a wonderful Word and while he was preaching, bits and parts of the message reminds me of the words that people once spoke to me and the thoughts that was in my mind while i was on my way to service in the bus. My heart was pumping real fast when he said "this is not a coincidence that u are here. U came here without knowing what i am going to preach! This is a divine appointment!"

Pastor Art was almost screaming throughout the service. I remembered him saying that he was praying before the service to prepare for it. Then God spoke to him to share this word. Then after preaching, he gave an altar call for the unsaved and those who needs to be sure that God can help them. After praying, Pastor Tan took over. At first i thought the service was over. Then after that, Pastor Art came up, saying that he felt the Lord spoke to him to minister to a few group of people. He then asked to be given 1 to 2 mins and asked the congregation to sit down. While he spoke about the 2 groups of ppl that needs God to heal them of this spirit of condemnation, he waved at the section where i was sitting in. (As if he is referring to me).
My heart beat really fast and then he asked us who are in these 2 categories to stand up as he wants to pray for us. To my surprise, no one stood up. I felt guilty too coz i was supposed to stand up too. Then to my surprise again, he shouted "Stand UP!!". Then one by one, ppl start to stand up.

Then as he prayed a prayer, i remember a Word that he spoke from God that i still remember.. God will restore and extend further what He originally intended for you. I really caught that by faith and still believing in it! Really excited that God is so real in my life!

Art of teaching

2005-04-08T01:22:00.000+08:00

After a long day in school, got a few sms along the way saying that a few of my students can't make it for guitar class tonight. Was kinda disappointed to see only a few ppl turn up. But despite the fact, i still did my best to teach even though there are only 3 students.

Didn't feel that i taught very well today. For some reason, was kinda nervous. Maybe because got new student (Xiaojia). :) Must learn to overcome. There are so many things i have to learn to overcome. So much to do yet so little time. Really pray that God will expand my capacity and territory.

Also got news from my friend saying that her grandma passed away yesterday.. Was sharing with Raymond that there had been many funerals around me recently. This shows me that life is so fragile. They may be gone anytime! So no time to lose! Gotta win all of my friends and loved ones to Christ before it's too late!

My new blog

2005-04-07T01:46:00.000+08:00